Muslim speed dating

Do these even exist? It turns out they  do but under the name ‘Muslim marriage event.’ My first experience of going to one of these was an ‘interesting’ day. I was 23, at the early stages of my search and optimistic. I even dragged my brother along to chaperone me. Bless him he actually  came. Much to his surprise, he made friends with another chaperone. 

So here’s how it works, you have 3 minutes to talk to each guy that attends the event followed by dinner. The guys do all the walking whilst you stay comfortably on your seat. 

I noticed there were more women than men that attended, the men looked as though they’d seen candy at a pick and mix store.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t for me, for a couple of  reasons. 3 minutes just didn’t seem enough to gauge anything substantial about a person and that too I was 23 and perhaps one of the youngest person  there. There were men who were 30 plus and I guess at a different stage in life to me at the time. Nevertheless, an interesting  experience.  

3 years later my friend dragged me along to another Muslim marriage  event, I was hesistant to go again, but decided  to go for moral support and it was again the same feeling, I didn’t  find it productive. However, I did have someone try to sell me a sofa, it turns out he owned a sofa shop, on this occasion maybe 3 minutes was long enough. Slightly off topic but hey, if I ever need a sofa I know who to go to, or maybe not (wink face). 

My intention is definitely not to put you off, as we’re all different. What might be my experience, might not be the same for you, as you may have a positive experience.  

Happy searching! 

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A Thing or Two about searching online! 

It’s 2017 and all things related to Muslim marriages seems to be a hot topic amongst youngsters and elders  alike! With Muslim matrimonial sites on the rise, with the likes of shaadi.com, singlemuslim and muzmatch who needs an auntijee for assistance anymore. It’s not 1940 where you literally meet your husband on the day of your marriage, catching a glimpse of him through your crimson red dupatta, or it’s not the 80’s where meeting your other half was through the contacts of a sociable auntijee.  

With a click of a few buttons, you can find yourself  meeting an eligible bachelor in no time at all. But before you do. I have put together a few pointers to help you have a meaningful online search experience. 

1. Write down the three most important things that you’re looking for in a spouse. It might be that he must have eman and works on developing himself  spiritually, it might be that he must be driven and ambitious  in his chosen field or that he’s family orientated. Whatever  it might be, make a mental note of this! The importance of doing this is so that you don’t lose focus of what’s important to you. 

2. Yes you are in your 20’s and time seems to be ticking, all your friends, acquaintances, family friend’s sons and daughters are getting married like there is no tomorrow, you’ve just come back from a wedding  wondering when is it going to be your time and you suddenly  find yourself  talking to a guy online and hurrying the communication along! Stop right there missy, breath and take it slowly it’s not a race! Men can smell desperation from a mile away, take your time in asking the questions that are important to you before you try to rush through all the steps. Enjoy the process, you might discover that you both have a sweet tooth or a common fascination for Bengal cats.  

3. Writing about yourself is not easy, it may be a piece of cake for some and for others an arduous task. Take some time to read other people’s  profile, no I’m not telling you to copy and paste what  others have written, be original, get a feel for what you might want to say about yourself. Here are some questions to help you get started; What do you do professionally or what do you intend to do? What are you passionate about? What are your hobbies and interests? What drives you as a person? The best kind of profiles that I’ve read, are the ones that reveal alittle abit of personality and humour. They might crack a bad joke  or tell you about how passionate they are about humanitarian work.

4. Be clear and concise by stating what is important  to you right now and for your future. That way you both can assess if you’re right for one another and avoid wasting time. 

5. Continue living your life and being your fabulous self. Don’t wait around for his next message and get bogged down with anxiety about when he will message you next and consumed with what he did or didn’t do. I’m a greater believer of being your most  attractive when you’re  feeling fabulous and at a good place in life. Continue meeting up with your girls, enjoying life and new experiences, developing yourself spiritually or professionally and spending time with your family. 

And there you have it ladies, abit more than  a thing or two. On a final note, I’m certainly no expert on this, and I may have left a few things out. Please feel free to comment and share your pointers. I want to make this blog as helpful as possible for all my fellow readers and your thoughts, opinions and experiences matter too. 

Happy searching everyone! 

Beeyar maat (marriage proposal)

Family introductions to a potential husband  is always an interesting ordeal. There is a mixture of questions, opinions and emotions from almost every  family member or sometimes even a relative. Nevertheless, another pair of eyes and another insight other than your own is always helpful. 
I remember the first ever person who came to see me at my family home. My parents were excited. It felt like a mini ceremony. The potential  groom came with all his family members, my parents  invited my aunts and  uncles and a family friend. As well as my siblings being there. Mum went all out with food; delicious fluffy biryani and crunchy meaty samosas. 

I remember feeling quite shy and nervous as I walked down the stairs to see them. However the moment I walked in the room, their reassuring smiles soon took away all my nerves.  We soon talked about generic things like what we do, education, career, family and even discussed shoes. I decided to wear my coral red platform sandals, which seemed to get the ladies talking, they concluded that I have good fashion sense based on my choice of footwear and that I was a keeper. 

One thing about the evening that really struck me and that I will never forget is the warmth I received from the potential mother in law. She had a genuine soft smile, the kind that makes you want to smile back, She gave me a tight hug and sat next to me, pleased with what  she had seen. It turns  out  that she had met me at a family friend’s  wedding, little did I know what she had planned  for me back then. She’s the kind of mumma, you just want to hug, for those of you that are hot on their Bollywood  (a cuddly hum saath  saath  hai  type). You could tell she would  do right by her daughter in law. You never  forget  a kind person when you see one, and I am grateful to her for making my first experience  of a beyaar  maat  a pleasant one, and for not being the Godzilla type potential mother in laws you see on those star  plus serials. 

To conclude, me and my parents soon realised that keeping these arrangements low key is better for us all (ie without the whole extended kaandaan), and although me and the guy shared no compatibility, it was refreshing to know there were lovely people out there as well as friendly, open minded families.  

Too many Karan Johar  movies I think…. 

So here I am, a 22 year old, fresh out of uni, thinking about the prospect of marriage. Prior to this, having endless dreamy chats with friends about how our significant  others will propose to us, will they write “marry me” in the sky? wear it on a T-shirt or even make a grand proposal on the screen of one of those American basketball game (I’m thinking of the friend’s episode with Pheobi and Mike). A girl can only dream?